Duprevent Harm: Ancient Wisdom with Modern Technology
INTRODUCTION TO PARENTING
By Deborah Dupre’ 2001
Contrary to many, I believe that cycles can be broken. People can be more than their history allows. ~Dani Gilbert
The struggle against violence in all forms and associated mental anguish, from war to Addiction and Depression, calls for redefining, re-examining, rethinking and restructuring many aspects of our lives - personally, in our home families and collectively as a global family.
It is not enough to simply acknowledge violence, to “Say No” to it or to say, “Stop it.” Nor is it enough to create more laws. Nor does the solution lie in ‘wars’ to fight against it. Nor is the solution to build more prisons to hold people caught in the cycle of it.
Deborah Dupre and Associates seek to go beyond mere recognition of differences between men and women and the need for laws and police, to looking at how we, together must reshape our basic concepts, ideas and views about inequalities, prejudices, oppression, and mental health needs.
Many men believe they have a right to control and dominate, or have power over others. As wars rage on the global front and chemical related domestic violence increases on the home front, the entire question of dominance, control and oppression is coming under greater scrutiny. We are entering an era where war and other forms of violence against self, others and the planet are obsolete.
It is up to each of us to usher in the age of compassion. To do this, we must recognize now, more than ever that humanity needs new ways of creating family unity on the foundation of men and women adults, youth and children. It is of utmost importance that we shift our thinking about ways to build unified families and protect our children by addressing root causes of violence and creative ways to stop violence in all its ugly forms.
WORLD PEACE BEGINS AT HOME
Make me an instrument of peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, let me so w pardon. Where there is doubt, let me so faith. Where there is despair, let me sow hope. Where there is darkness, let me sow light. . Where there is sadness joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; To be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned…
St. Francis of Assisi
HOW WE LEARN VIOLENT AND NON-VIOLENT BEHAVIOUR
By Deborah Dupre’ January 14, 2002
Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones; and then when you have accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. --Victor Hugo
In this violent world, you may sometimes think you don't make a difference. Your actions today however, are like pebbles thrown in a pond. The circles keep growing larger and larger, reaching more and more people as it grows.
The human race, as grim as things may seem today, is evolving into a new race of beings with capacity to live through the power of love rather than love for power. Without feeling the pain of labour, birth of the new dawn cannot occur.
Among major priorities today, we must focus on children, our own and those everywhere. Child rearing is the most important job in the world - and one of the most difficult. Helping children learn acceptable and healthy behaviour is a vital part of that job.
Some parents hit or spank because they think short, sharp punishments ‘teach’ children not to do forbidden things, stop them short when they are being generally tiresome, and encourage them to do what parents think they should do. Sound familiar in the global perspective?
Of course, children cannot be allowed to endanger themselves or other people or things. They must learn behaviours that you, their parents can tolerate. If you can't tolerate your children's behaviour, your home is full of frustration and anger and nobody has any fun.
When children complete the toddler stage, later mixing with other children at school, they must learn social rules that aid in developing acceptance to people outside the family. If not accepted, their unique potential to contribute to the world will not occur. It is part of effective parenting to ensure that a child can be a beloved playmate, welcomed visitor and eager member of a class. So, clear boundaries on one hand, and positive discipline on the other are important. Note the words “positive discipline” rather than violent discipline. You see, we have a choice in our actions and words between: peace or violence.
If violent discipline, that is, spanking or hitting people smaller than we are, really helps achieve the above stated goals of discipline, we could all ask ourselves whether people hitting children or using other forms of violence or abuse to teach them were justified by desirable ends. The fact is though, violence in terms of hitting or spanking does not help create desirable behaviour in people in the long term. In fact, it teaches our young to use violence when they are grown. Furthermore, hitting children teaches entire future cultures that violence is appropriate to solve problems and differences. Hitting children and youth perpetuates the cycle of violence rather than that the rippling circle of peace.
Many parents do not think much about spanking. They were spanked for being ‘naughty’ when they were children. Now, as parents, they spank their children.
Some parents feel more strongly about the issue of corporal punishment and hitting children. They feel spanking is an important part of child rearing. Some parents have the idea it is their right and even their duty to hit children. Many use Old Testament Bible passages to justify hitting children.
Some parents do not like to hit children, but they can be “driven” to hit children. They then feel bad about doing it.
There are a few parents who feel that spanking is a very big issue and would not hit their children no matter how much they are "driven to it" by behaviour of children coupled with life stressors of being a parent in 2003. These parents usually gave considerable thought about violence on their own, at university or through non-formal workshops. These parents understand that ‘violence begets violence.’ They understand that hitting does not solve problems in the long run and that in fact, it is "unjust." These parents have learned peaceful ways to discipline children - and easier ways as well. They have learned to set clear limits and use non-violent ways to discipline including prevention. They have learned to use their God-given heads and Divine thought and teachings rather than their hands and physical might.
As both a mother and a therapist, I have been fortunate to be a part of the latter group. I was able to study at universities, earn degrees and post-graduate degrees and have a considerable bank of knowledge relating to trauma and unwanted, high-risk behaviours that result from being hit as children. Many have never had the opportunity to rid ill effects from adults who loved us and meant well - but never had opportunities you have today if you are reading this or hearing these words.
Slapping, hitting with a stick, hitting with a vine, cord or belt, pushing, squeezing hard, twisting a hand, ear or arm, are wrong according to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child and according to what most religious masters and leaders taught. We have yet to meet a person who can point to an incident in the Bible where Jesus hit a child. On the contrary, Jesus taught to be gentle and love children, no matter what.
Teaching Gentleness by Being Gentle
Throughout the world, many people try to solve today's problems with violence. We read it in the paper, hear it on the radio, watch it on TV--in the news and on other shows. We applaud violent sports, violence against self with drugs and against others. We pay for videos to see violent heroes. Therefore, many children grow up learning how to fight rather than how to use their heads and be gentle.
Parents, teachers and other care-givers can make a difference in children's lives. It is possible to teach gentleness to children so they will grow up to solve problems with their heads and hearts and not the hands.
Above all, remember: The best ways to teach gentleness is to be gentle.
By Deborah Dupre’ February 11, 2001 Republic of Vanuatu Parenting Workshops Efate' Island and Ambae Island
If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh
What are the General Signs of Childhood Depression? How Do You Know if Your Child Has Depression? What Causes Childhood Depression?
One in every ten children suffers from the disease of Depression and they cannot help themselves. Recognizing the signs of Depression and providing support can create change from a child with Depression to a well-adjusted, happy child.
What Are the General Signs of Childhood Depression?
A child with Depression has "bad" moods. The child with depression might lash out at people for little or no apparent reason. They sleep but do not rest, eat but are not hungry. Life seems to be one big chore for this child. People often mistake this child for being lazy.
For the child with Depression, everything potentially fun is work and schoolwork feels insurmountable. Often this child will have stomachaches, headaches, joint aches and other symptoms, but doctors cannot find anything wrong.
Depressed children cannot listen well at school; may stay alone more than other children do; wish they could put schoolwork and chores off forever and then feel worse about themselves because they are not achieving. Without help, this child’s self-esteem continues to drop, placing them in a category of increasingly high-risk. They think about things in life that could go wrong and that they could never continue to live like this.
Some children with Depression have "Masked depression.” They smile frequently but it is a forced or "blank" smile, hiding or masking their emotional and psychological pain. Not every child or youth with Depression has all Depression symptoms all the time. Clinical depression lasts weeks, months, and often years.
With 6% of the world’s population suffering Depression, nearly everyone knows someone experiencing episodes of severe Depression. The longer Depression goes untreated, the more difficult it is to treat and the more it damages social, academic, psychological maturation of your child. Suicide occurs in 15% of depressed people.
How Do You Know if Your Child Has Depression?
Diagnoses of clinically significant depression (Major Depressive Disorder), a child must have 5 of the 9 symptoms listed below to a degree that functioning at home or at school for at least two consecutive weeks is interrupted.
Either depressed or irritable mood most of the day, nearly every day
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all activities most of the day, nearly every day
Significant weight loss or failure to make appropriate weight gains
Trouble sleeping or too much sleeping nearly every day
Obvious restlessness or really slowed down behavior nearly every day
Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt nearly every day
Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day
Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts or a suicide attempt
Approximately 10% of depressed children and 40% of depressed girls suffer severe headaches at least once a month. Although Childhood Depression often disappears in about one year with no treatment, approximately 75% of these will have a recurrence of Depression within four years of their first episode.
Each time Depression recurs, it is much more likely to happen again.
Children are more likely to have Depression recur if:
1) They started having Depression before age 14 2) There is divorce at the time of the Depression or 3) One parent is also suffers Depression at the same time.
If a child lives in family conflict, a relapse of Depression is likely.
What Causes Childhood Depression?
For a child to develop Depression there must either be major problems with their life, body and or mind, or have a strong family history of Depression. Often both of these problems occur.
Children with brain disorders such as so-called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Learning Disabilities and Conduct Disorders often suffer Depression.
Environmental causes include physical, verbal or psychological abuse, poverty, chaos or neglect, inconsistent parenting, ridicule or humiliation at school or at home, and tragic occurrences like witnessing deaths, finding bodies and losing parents. 50% of children and adolescents with Depression have two or more highly stressful occurrences during the year before the onset of Depression. If bad things happen to a child and there is a family history of Depression, childhood Depression is probable.
Young people who watch television or videos over 6 hours each day have more problems with Depression, Anxiety and subsequent aggression.
Substance abuse including alcohol, cannabis and kava is common with depressed youth. It is more common that a child will first have Depression and then start using alcohol and other drugs rather than the other way around. While Depression in adults clears when drinking or using of drugs stops, after young people are "clean," without help, most continue to suffer Depression.
Children with medical problems are more likely to get Depression.
Depression Runs in Families
About 40% of children will get Depression before their 20th birthday if one parent has depression. Children with mothers with Depression are in a high-risk category. When mothers experience Depression, their children are more likely to become depressed and when they do it is more severe, lasts longer, and is accompanied by other psychiatric problems. These children are more likely to commit suicide.
Deborah Dupre' B.Sci, MA.Sci.Voc.Ed, Dip.Cont.Ed, QMHP is a Therapist and Trainer who has worked internationally as program developer, early interventionist, family and self-abuse interventionist.
UNTREATED DEPRESSION IS THE #1 CAUSE OF SUICIDE
LEARN THE SIGNS PREVENT DEPRESSION
Not all people with Depression will have all these signs or have them the same amount. If a person has
four or more of these signs,
if nothing can make them go away, and
if they last more than two weeks, Contact a doctor immediately!
SIGNS OF MAJOR DEPRESSION: 1. Sad or "empty" feeling most of the time no matter what happens. 2. Hopeless feelings, helpless, worthless, pessimistic and or guilty feelings. 3. Alcohol, kava or other substance abuse. (drinks everyday, drinks until cannot move well or make healthy choices, drinking interferes with family or job…) 4. Too tired or not much interest in ordinary activities including sex. 5. "Lazy" Not much energy, accused of being "lazy." 6. Changes in eating and sleeping. Too much eating or sleeping or too little. 7. Angry, crying, nervous, anxious and strong feelings of fear. 8. Difficult to keep mind on a subject such as concentrating, paying attention, reading, remembering or making decisions. 9. Thoughts of killing self; make plans or attempts to kill self. 10. Physical symptoms or pains that do not respond to treatment. GET HELP!
HOW TO KNOW IF SOMEONE PLANS TO SUICIDE SUICIDE IS PREVENTABLE LEARN THE SIGNS
Anyone suffering emotional pain wants help but cannot ask. If this were any other disease and a person could not help themselves, we would not hesitate to help. The same is true for depression, alcohol, kava, other drug abuse and suicidal thoughts. Gather your courage and compassion. Act now. Waiting might be too late.
SIGNS OF SUICIDE:
Suicidal threats — Someone might say s/he is thinking about suicide or dying: "I wish I'd never been born," or "Everyone will be better off when I'm gone." Most people think that people who threaten suicide never really do it. Not true! All threats should be taken seriously.
Withdrawal — The person may refuse to talk or always be alone. Trouble at work and poor grades in school can both cause suicidal acts and be signs.
Depression — The person appears too sad & may not be able to work. S/He might talk about feeling sad, guilty, shameful, hopeless and helpless.
Moodiness — Swinging from being very happy to suddenly being very sad. Also, someone who suddenly becomes very calm after weeks or months of deep sadness. S/He might have decided on suicide a want to run away - so, feels "calm" with a decision.
Changes in personality — A change in the way a person thinks, looks, acts, eats or sleeps might happen before a suicide attempt.
Self-destructive behaviour — A suicidal person might suddenly do dangerous things such as high-speed driving, unsafe sex or drinking too much. Alcohol, kava and other drug abuse often go hand in hand with suicide.
Experience a crisis — Depression, divorce, sadness over loss of a loved one, a big accident or a drop in self-esteem at school, home or at work following financial problems may lead to thoughts of suicide.
Gives away possessions — Throws or gives away belongings.
SUICIDE IS IMMINENT - GET HELP FOR THIS PERSON NOW!
PARENTS SELF TEST GUIDE FOR HELPING PARENTS ASSESS THEIR OWN USE OF CHEMICALS
As a parent, your behaviours will be reflected in those of your child, most often, sooner than one would imagine. Because of this, it’s important to be aware of your habits, especially regarding your use of alcohol and other prescription and non-prescription drugs.
Below is a questionnaire to help you privately assess your use of chemicals and the reasons you use them. There are no right or wrong answers. The purpose of this questionnaire is merely to help you focus on your own alcohol or other drug related attitudes and behaviours. Despite what you or others say, these are the attitudes and behaviours that your children will most likely copy.
Answer each of the following questions honestly. You may discover interesting things about yourself. This questionnaire has been gratefully contributed by the University of Wisconsin.
1. When you have friends visit, do you immediately offer to them a drink (an alcoholic beverage)?
2. When you have a headache, do you immediately take a pill to rid the pain?
3. When you are nervous or upset, is your usual immediate response to “take something” to get rid of the feeling?
4. Have your children ever seen you drunk?
5. When you seek medical help for a physical ailment, are you disappointed when the doctor doesn’t give you a prescription or some other medication?
6. In your home, is it “manly” to be able to drink a lot? Is it “unlady-like” to drink a lot?
7. In your home do people joke about getting drunk and doing crazy things (“Boy, Ian got so drunk the other night, he ….”)?
8. Do you know about and use methods to cope with minor aches and pains other than “taking something?”
9. Do you routinely take Nembutol, Seconal, Dalmane, Nytol, Sominex, or some other sleeping pill to fall asleep?
Do you routinely use something to stay awake (amphetamines, coffee, coke, No Doz)?
10. Do your children over hear their parents arguing about one or other having had too much to drink?
11. When beginning a diet, is your first thought to obtain diet pills to help you with your plan?
12. Do you smoke cigarettes?
13. Is drinking often the topic of conversation in your home?
14. Does your group of friends share prescriptions or any other medicines that have “worked” for them?
15. Have you ever warned your children about smoking while you were smoking? How about drinking?
16. Do you smoke marijuana? If so, when and how often?
17. Do you know the difference between social drinking and abusive drinking?
18. How much caffeine/coffee do you drink a day?
19. Do you ever get nervous or edgy from drinking a lot of coffee/caffeine?
20. Do you crave a cup of coffee/caffeine to awaken in the morning? Are you cranky without it?
21. Do you use alcohol or other drugs to comfort yourself when you are depressed or “feeling down.”
22. Do you unconsciously gravitate toward social function where there is a lot of drinking, and away from social functions where there is little or no drinking?
23. Do you manage alcohol or any other drugs in a way that you would not want your children to?
24. Do you drive a car when under the influence of alcohol or other mood altering drugs?
25. Do you ride with drivers who are under the influence?
If after taking the quiz, you feel you may have a problem with alcohol or other drugs, contact someone for help. Look in the yellow pages under “alcohol,” Alcohol Anonymous,” “Counselling,” or “Social Service Organizations.” Alcohol Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-Step programmes are free. Shop around to find one that best suits you, onee where you feel most comfortable and where you feel at one with the group. Do not give up until you find a group that feels like you have come “home.”
PARENTS & VIOLENCE PREVENTION: HOW TO IDENTIFY A POTENTIAL ABUSER QUESTIONNAIRE
Ye shall know the truth, And the truth shall make you angry. Aldous Huxley
1. Person's Past: o Was person abused as a child? o Was this person's mother abused when they were a child?
2. Person's Responsibility and Anger Level: o Does person refuse to take responsibility for their actions? o Does person minimize their negative behaviour? o Does person lose their temper easily? o Does person talk about violence or suggest it as an option? o Does person talk about situations where they are always in control? o Does person talk about incidents where their behaviour could be considered unusual and/or cruel?
3. Person's Possessiveness: o Does person expect you to spend all your free time with them? o Does person expect you to drop your responsibilities to spend time with them?
4. Person' Attitude Toward Opposite Sex: o Does person talk about the role of man as the traditionalist, male supremacy and submission of the wife or she talk about how women have been taken advantage of and abused? o Does person expect you to take all their advice? o Does person display jealousy? Is person jealous of strangers, family members, everyone?
5. Person's Personality: o Does person drink alcohol and/or smoke marijuana or use other drugs a lot? o Does person appear to have 2 different personalities, a dual personality?
6. Person's Manipulation and Control: o Does person want you to lie about them to friends and family? o Does person want you to keep money secret from friends and family? o Does person take control of your money? o Does person try to impress you with their family's success? o Is it difficult to check on person's past?
7. Person's Inability to Relate on an Intimate Level: o Does person lack intimacy in sex? o Does person exhibit voyeurism? o Does person continually request/demand things sexually that you are not comfortable with? o Does person demand frequent sex?
8. How You Respond to this Person: o Do you spend too much energy on trying NOT to make this person angry? o LOVING SOMEONE ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL, OTHER DRUG, GAMBLING…
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. -- Anais Nin
ADDICTION TO ALCOHOL OTHER DRUGS AND ASSOCIATED BEHAVIORS: A DISEASE
Too much alcohol, cannabis or other drugs is poisonous. Alcohol, Cannabis and Other Drug abuse correlate with violent deaths including homicides, suicides and traffic accidents. Alcohol, Cannabis and Other Drug abuse have a role in many social and domestic problems, from job absenteeism and crimes against property to spousal and child abuse.
People with addictions including gambling, suffer from a disease. According to WHO, the American Medical Assoc. and British Medical Assoc., Addiction is a disease which the victim has no control and is not caused by moral weakness, sin, poor will power, Black Magic or desire to hurt others.
Many myths exist about addictions. Belief in these myths results from superstitions, ignorance, prejudice and billions of dollars marketing addictive substances and behaviours. (See “Drugs, the CIA and Terrorism, What the Media Doesn’t Reveal” by Deborah Dupre’.)
Belief in these myths, such as one of the most well known, “There is nothing anyone can do to help an alcoholic or addict until they hit bottom or ask for help,” perpetuate crime and terror in homes and streets. Learning more about drug myths and the truth are the first steps to solving the real source of global terrorism. (See “Before Hitting Bottom”)
There are successful, new recovery approaches proven by powerful evidence of millions of people around the globe who now live in peace and sobriety.
When people understand that Addiction is a disease deliberately imposed on individuals as unwanted as cancer or flu, there are no reasons to be afraid or ashamed to seek help that everyone deserves when ill.
When people understand that Addiction is a form of terrorism deliberately imposed on society and individuals as unwanted as any publicized form of terrorism, people will be more empowered to end the imposed abuse and violence of addiction.
WHAT YOU CAN DO: LEARN MORE
Learn as much as possible about addictions.
Learn how to succeed in helping to stop the addiction pandemic.
Learn how to succeed in helping someone you know and love addicted to alcohol or other drugs. You might be the only person in their life who will save them from a life of deep-seated unhappiness and possible death.
Learn how you can help an addicted person willingly commit to a new life of sobriety. Learn about success in helping the person you love through Structured Intervention by reading “Before Hitting Bottom.”
Make the first step to perform an intervention for someone you love. Duprevent can help. A therapist there will answer your call or email.
Attend support group “Circles of Compassion” or other support group of your choice. Ask a local professional or at DuPrevent for more information about support group work. Spoken words at these meetings are confidential. Members are anonymous.
PARENTS: WHAT IS ADDICTION QUIZ – TOP 10 WAYS TO KNOW
Trust yourself and go within. As the rambling begin to quiet, listen to the whispers of your inner self; your intuition; your spirit.
Mayan Code of Honor
TOP 10 Ways You Know You 're an Alcoholic
1. You think the best cure for a hangover is another drink. 2. Your favorite time of day is Happy Hour. 3. Your favorite time to drink is morning, noon and night. 4. You introduce yourself to the girl sitting at the bar and her name is Bill. 5. You drank 80 proof last night and remember only 20% of what happened. 6. You woke up and for the 63rd time you said, "I'm never going to drink again." And then you said, "This time I mean it." 7. “I'll just quit liquor and maybe wine and just drink beer.” 8. “Thank you. May I have another?” 9. You look yourself right in the mirror and say, "I'm not an alcoholic." 10. Even if you do have a problem with alcohol, you certainly won’t be caught at one of those 12-step AA or NA meetings because you’re not as bad off as they are. TOP 10 things said to a Recovering Alcoholic by people who just don't get it.
1. “You don't have a drinking problem. I drink as much as you do.” 2. “Why don't you quit smoking and start drinking again?” 3. “You just need to learn how to control your drinking.” 4. “Come on... just have one drink with me.” 5. I drank that much when I was young and look at me. 6. Three words: “moderation, moderation, moderation.” 7. Three more words: “control, control, control.” 8. “If you quit drinking liquor and just drink beer, you'll be fine.” 9. “Just because you had blackouts doesn't mean you are an alcoholic. I have them all the time.” 10. “You don't look like an alcoholic.” 11. “Just don't drink everyday.” 12. “You're not an alcoholic, you just like to drink.”
FAMILY INTERVENTION The greatest gift to give an addict.
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. That word is love -- Sophocles
Are you worried about the drinking or drug taking of someone you love? Does the behaviour of someone in your family cause you untold grief? Do you feel inexplicable fear when you think of confronting that individual? Helping you to help the person you love is what Duprevent does best.
At Duprevent we understand the pain and frustration of living with the knowledge that someone you love is destroying their life and those nearby. People dependent on alcohol or other drugs are typically unaware of their problem and cannot ask for help. Although we know they are good people, we sometimes feel shame and guilt for their behaviour. These are all typical of the disease of addiction.
With over 12 years of intervention experience and state of the art research, maybe Duprevent can help alleviate much of the devastation caused by addiction and other self-harming behaviour.
Duprevent Offers Professional Care in a Graceful, Non-Shaming, Non-Condemning Approach. We offer Compassion to Hurting People who Cannot Ask for Help
Frequently asked Questions and Answers About Family Intervention
Who Benefits from Family Intervention?
What is a Family Intervention?
Who benefits from Family Interventions?
What happens during the Family Intervention process?
How do I begin to give a Family Intervention? . What is a Family Intervention?
Family Intervention is a specialized event when a professional facilitates family and friends to mobilize both their individual and combined resources, love and influence to persuade a person in crisis to halt denial and finally willingly commit to intensive, professional help. Similar to “Hitting Bottom,” the Intervention breaks denial by heightening awareness of consequences the person has paid for their addiction or other self-harming behaviour including:
Loss of Family Relationship Financial, Legal & Moral Struggles, Unpredictable Mood Swings, Social Isolation & Depression.
Who Benefits from a Family Structured Intervention?
Any addicted or other self-harming person unable to ask or receive help - including people in denial who “do not want help” - plus their loved ones, the community and society at large all benefit.
Alcoholism/ Cannabis or Other Drug Addictions, Mental Illness, Eating Disorders, Family Violence, Gambling, Sexual Addictions & Abuse, Runaway Youth, Conscious & Unconscious Suicidality.
Unlike hitting bottom, Family Intervention is safe and dignified. It ensures the health and education rights of the individual are upheld. Intervention is the greatest gift to give to an Alcoholic, other Addicted or Self-harming person. It is a very loving, powerful process that influences, persuades and holds accountable a family member or friend who do not want help and recovery before they hit bottom. Resistance of loving help is from denial, delusional thinking or from their personal powerlessness against their illness – all symptoms of their disease.
Friends and family usually fail when they confront a persons’ addiction or other harmful behaviour. Duprevent Intervention involves 4-8 family members, friends and or potential carers and has a Detox and rehabilitation admission rate of 95% over the past 12 years.
What happens during the Family Structured Intervention process?
Step One: Duprevent Structured Interventions begin with a request for consultation. During the consultation information is gathered and detailed assessments are made. Drug(s) of choice, addiction severity, positive resources, healthy and non-healthy relationships are some of the issues discussed in the first consultation. The consultation is followed by approximately one week of coordinating a family support team and team learning activities.
Step Two: The first of the learning activities includes a didactic session for the family team or potential carer system to learn about addiction as a disease (rather than a moral defect), denial and how to work together in a healthy way on behalf of the person in crisis. Approaches that do and do not work are learned. The team determines the most appropriate health care options available and preliminary measures are taken to support the client before the intervention to ensure preparedness with alternatives to present when the identified client willingly agrees to seek professional help. This learning activity is crucial to the ultimate success of the intervention.
Step Three: The next step of the intervention is called scripting. The interventionist works with each team participant to ensure every team member knows what they will say at the intervention and that it is said in a receivable way. Loving, open communications about the client’s behaviour are used to confront and assist her or him out of denial before hitting bottom - before it is too late.
Step Four: The second workshop involves role play by the team and can occur the same morning as the intervention. The team conducts a rehearsal of the intervention without the client to ensure maximum effectiveness and success.
Step Five: Finally, the intervention is held with the client. Immediately following this event, during which the identified client admits abusive behaviour and willingly commits to recovery, Duprevent and/or team members support him or her into a Detox unit or other appropriate programme. There is relief and joy.
[For more information on Deborah Dupre' Interventions, phone 310.310.1997.]
You are not alone and there is help.
PARENTS: REVERSING DEPRESSION AND ADDICTION BASIC HOME DETOXIFICATION AND STRESS MANAGEMENT
(Note: The following is a draft presented as a healthy start to basic detoxification and stress management. Please consult a 12-Step group – 3 or more until you find the one that feels like a new ‘home.’ See a progressive naturopath that specializes in chemical free detoxification. See Gary Null’s website and tune into his radio programmes for the truth about good health.)
1. Detoxify and cleanse your cells starting with pure water! Water removes toxins out of your system. Most people are dehydrated. Liquids consumed during the day, beginning with coffees in the morning, then colas, alcohol later … and not much water drinking cause chronic dehydration. Drink a minimum of 6-8 glasses of water/day. Your body cannot stay strengthened without. Dehydration causes over eating. Drink a 40 oz glass of water in the morning. Makes us more alert mentally and helps with digestion. Water cleanses, detoxifies and raises metabolism to burn more calories. Many systemic conditions could be avoided simply by drinking enough water, especially arthritis. We get addicted to textures within many beverages. People addicted to caffeine, sugars, textures find water to be blasé. Invest in a water tank and drink rain water. Although your area might not have pure air, rain water is free of dangerous chemicals used by city councils.
2. If sleeping is a problem, find a way to get deep sleep at night. Exercise during the day, but not in the evening. Go to sleep at the same time every night. Use white noise to drown out noise if necessary. (A fan works great.) Stop caffeine intake. Start by NOT drinking caffeine drinks after 10am. Do not be fooled with “de-caf!” It is filled with extra chemicals that cause serious health problems. Work on getting into a pattern of full nights sleep by being vigilant for 3 days and 3 nights of sleep. Three nights of unbroken sleep may break the pattern on insomnia. If the problem keeping you awake is an issue in your life you need to resolve, get up and in the still of the night, meditate and write ways to solve the problem. This might be exactly what your body is helping you to do. Read about electromagnetic interferences with the human body. Look for the work of Dr. Nick Begich and take appropriate precautions.
3. Use nutriceuticals, nutritional supplements. Our soils are usually stripped of minerals and vitamins. If possible, use supplements. Compost and grow your own food, starting with one or two of the easiest foods to grow.
4. Do the best you can with fresh fruits and vegetables, grow your own! a. Use good fats – grape sed oil, canola oil
b. Sprout! Learn to grow and use sprouts. It’s therapeutic and extremely rich in needed nutrition.
5. Stop the sugar intake and use stevia. No need for sugar or artificial sweeteners when you use Stevia, the no-calorie, all natural, remarkably nutritious herb that is 30 times sweeter than sugar. What Stevia does both inside the body and on the skin is incredible! It helps, not hinders, the pancreas and your blood sugar levels.
6. Exercise: strengthening, stretching, cardio-arobic – critical in detoxifying and cleansing
7. Stress and Depression: Develop effective management skills. Many fail with health programmes when they are not mentally, emotionally and psychologically ready. Here are ways to help you empower yourself to overcome stress and depression:
a. Make a strong commitment to change - to be healthy and happy b. Set realistic short term and long term goals c. Identify what has caused failure to reach your goals to be healthy and happy in the past Set ways to succeed. d. Identify what holds you back.
Children who have had a sneak preview of Nabi, the large kind-hearted gecko, fell in love with the character. The human sized gecko sponsored by TVL is the new Message-Carrier of the South Pacific. Children (and adults!) who have had spotted him are finding him irresistible.
Nabi visiting Port-Vila, Efate’ Island, Vanuatu schools
Nabi is an innovative way to help manage family problems. With violence in all its ugly forms – from domestic violence to violence against self, including suicide -- a reality sparing no nation or individual, not even the island paradise of Vanuatu, Nabi was created for Early Intervention. Nabi offers family support while children are small by teaching ways to prevent at risk behavior problems - before it is too late. Nabi is available for any group throughout the Pacific who wants a little fun attached to tough lessons.
Pacific Island UNICEF reports correlate with studies conducted in other areas worldwide in relation to children's needs. These reports reflect that better communication skills and mutual respect between adults and children can prevent children from low self-esteems, feeling desperately lonely, being misunderstood and subsequent self-abuse.
Feeling as though nobody understands or simply listens is a major stated cause for suicides in Pacific Island Countries and throughout the world. Vanuatu people, as people in other least developing conditions, daily feel the burdened related to poverty conditions. Poor or no sanitary conditions, lack of adequate medicines and other health needs, poor access to education are conditions that correlate with Depression and suicide.
The higher the levels of poverty and personal depression, the greater are at-risk behaviors for both parents and their children. Communication skills can help solve some of the family problems and help empower people to find new ways to meet needs.
"Communicating is not easy for adults regardless of our culture but particularly when we do not have effective listening skills and are under tremendous stress," according to project chair, Deborah Dupre'.
Nabi, the Inquisitive Gecko, the title of the first of the series of Nabi stories, helps people of all ages have a fun and wonderful time learning how to listen to each other better. TVL, provider of communications in Vanuatu, is supporting the project to help support family needs through early intervention. The 20-page book is illustrated by local artist Tony Tama. The 16 illustrations were designed for young people to enjoy colouring or water painting them.
Nabi books are now on sale at regular retail prices in Australia and Vanuatu to help support the Nabi Violence of Self, Others and Planet Prevention Project so that the books can be offered at minimal prices to Ni-Vanuatu families.
The Nabi project has been endorsed by Vanuatu Curriculum Development Center who view the project as one needed for a long time. Nabi visits Vanuatu schools upon request to delight children with small gifts provided by TVL, the books for children, families and classes. Duprevent donates a percentage of monies collected from the books to the schools for prevention needs.
Nabi is available to fly to outer islands to visit children, give small gifts and offer the books. To make an appointment for Nabi to raise funds at your school anywhere in the Pacific Islands and Australia, contact Duprevent International.
Nabi, the Gecko visited West Ambae Island, courtesy of TVL and The Bank of Hawaii and won the hearts of the islanders. Nabi opted to skip his usual mode of transportation, fleet of foot, and flew aboard a Vanair Twin Otter plane to Walaha. He spent a few days in Amhata with Pastor James and his wife Selina, two of Vanuatu’s most respected people. With them, Nabi prepared for his appearance at Pastor James' parish Church of Christ.
As usual, in conjunction with Nabi’s visit, there was a workshop for adults on Non-Violence. It was attended by 60 participants Tuesday morning, 28 August. The afternoon centered on early intervention and the children of West Ambae, with Nabi entertaining more than 150 parents and children, most of whom walked many miles to meet Nabi.
(Photo) West Ambae Island mother of five enjoys Nabi book, a gift of LIVE! and TVL.
DRUG HARM AND SUICIDE PREVENTION NEW COMMUNITY CAPACITY BUILDING FOCUS IN VANUATU
West Ambae Island residents practicing Duprevent’s Circles Of Compassion Community Support Group work at Violence Against Self and Others Prevention Workshop.
Island participants walked for miles to hear for the first time the words ‘Depression’ and ‘Addiction.’
Participants later reported their most serious and devastating family and community problem on their island is Kava Addiction.
Erakor Village Chief welcomes aid from DUPREVENT. Village learns Violence Against Self and Others Prevention through Dupre's unique Democratic Participatory Workshop.
Prevention of personal, domestic and community violence is the theme of Live In Vanuatu Everyday!, (LIVE!) that provided a workshop Saturday, May 2nd at Erakor Island Village School. Sixteen teachers and parents representing five organizations plus parents interested in learning positive approaches to discipline attended the one-day workshop. Preventionist Deborah Dupre' facilitated the program organized by Erakor School Principal, Ham Bruler and sponsored by TVL.
The program, a new initiative that the Ministry of Education Secondary Schools has endorsed, is facilitated by Live In Vanuatu Everyday, LIVE! LIVE! is Duprevent’s personal and community violence prevention project in Vanuatu.
Group participation was at a peak at the Erakor School learning activity, a hallmark of Duprevent workshops. At the beginning of the day, after getting to know each other well enough to openly discuss important issues, the group participated in a heartfelt session of self-disclosure. One by one they each related horror stories remembered from days when they were young. Participants spoke about personal experiences of violence in the home or school they experienced or witnessed while growing up.
Following the self-disclosure session, participants expressed much greater understanding of negative effects of corporal punishment. The group then designed the workshop according to what they felt they needed to learn about how to make "looking after children easier and better." Together, group participants decided on three main issues to address at the workshop. These were:
1) Discipline Problems 2) How to Encourage Children to Express Their Feelings and 3) Children With Disabilities.
According to Deborah Dupre', this type of non-formal workshop is based on Democratic Principles. "Allowing and encouraging participants to develop their own curriculum through discussion and consensus ensures that everyone is learning exactly what they need and want to learn at this stage of life. It works really well that well," she said. "Then, there is never one person such as the “teacher” telling the group what they need to learn. Participants become far more enthused about the event and talk - really participate when they create the program according to their needs," Deborah reported.
Learning Circles: The workshop was facilitated in a "learning circle," a non-formal, traditional style learning approach that also increases learner participation and therefore, the degree of learning, according to Dupre'.
"When we sit in formal style arrangements, with chairs in a row or in an arrangement where people sit far apart in a large room, there's an immediate unspoken barrier between the person in front and the participants. That tends to stifle individual participation," explained Preventionist Dupre'. Circles resolve this, as traditional Peoples knew and, therefore used.
Non-formal Education for Optimal Learning: Deborah, mental health professional and educator, reminds facilitators and teachers that people of all ages feel lost, alone and much less likely to say anything in formal learning environments:
"As adults, many of us have unhappy memories of school and growing up in homes where we were not allowed to express ourselves freely – and there was nobody to listen. We all need to feel as comfortable as possible at meetings and other learning events for optimum learning and positive action to occur. Resources for us to get together to learn are too precious to waste by following 'authoritarian education styles' that hamper participation and learning. Much of the same holds true for children and present learning environments. The more relaxed and respected people feel, the more they learn - no matter what the age."
Role Play to Experience Child Emotions: To better understand what it is like to be a child, the Erakor Island parents, teachers and clergy learned through role play. They took turns playing the child and adult roles, with one person stooping low to the ground as a child and the other towering over with a stick for disciplining. This opened discussion further so the group was able to determine what fear-based discipline does to children. They expressed emotions they felt as they role-played the child. Although it was only role-playing, they said they felt 1) fear, 2) like hitting back or 2) running away.
Violence Begets Violence: The learning group explores results of growing up with extreme fear, apprehension and related low self-esteem. The fact that 'violence begets violence' was discussed and it was determined that corporal punishment can cause children to become violent against others. The group discussed running away and various forms of escapism resulting from being hit as children. These included alcohol, kava, home-brew, other drug taking, isolating and suicide.
Democracy at Home and In the Classroom
Following the workshop session one, participants explored the concept of democracy in the classroom and at home as a remedy for creating self-discipline, raising self-esteem and learning. After experiencing the difference of learning in a circle, the group better understood the technique at Central Primary School.
Learning circle principles in the classroom encourages children to discipline themselves and participate in class. "At first, the children didn't know how to handle not sitting in rows and behavior was initially a little more difficult. However, after a few weeks, students realized that we are all equal in class, that we all need attention and that we all need to listen to each other. It is an easy way for students to discipline themselves and that’s what they really need to know these days," explained one of Dupre's teachers in her training group.
Home and Classroom Meetings
Another technique attributed to William Glasser was presented as an alternative to corporal punishment, that of home and classroom meetings. Dupre' has used this technique to build rapport, respect and mutual trust in the classroom. She reported that one of the brightest students in Vanuatu was from a home where there are family meetings every night. These meetings are held so that each child in the family has an opportunity to openly discuss whatever they need to discuss without shame or blame - just openness, compassion and a way to solve problems through discussions.
"Starting everyday at school with a class meeting fosters trust in me and each other so that children know there is an adult and other students who care about their feelings and they are not alone. It teaches all of us to be better listeners and to support emotional needs. After our morning meeting, we are all more ready to learn the school lessons for the rest of the day," according to Dupre. "When I suggest that teachers try it, they have reservations, but they soon find out that it definitely works."
Special Education Opportunities Needed
Deborah agrees special programs ar eneeded for children with emotional behavior learning disabilities, those with a disorder that results in continual class disruption. What is being called, "Attention Deficit Disorder" is a predisposition of substance addiction and deserves special attention to prevent later high-risk behavior.
The Erakor School Workshop, sponsored by TVL, is part of the Live In Vanuatu Everyday (LIVE!) Project, the Vanuatu Duprevent violence prevention project. The workshop was the first part of the program to be followed by a "Nabi the Gecko Listens" theme at school. Nabi is the LIVE!'s Early Intervention initiative that helps parents and teachers learn to listen to children, an approach to prevent child discipline problems and high-risk, violent behavior towards others and self later in life.
International Children’s Day: Nabi and Erakor Island School are teaming for an International Children's Day Celebration to raise awareness about the Child Protection and to raise funds for the community school. Nabi will lead the Vanuatu International Day Parade in Port Vila. He will then arrive at Erakor Island in true island style, by canoe. There he will entertain among Island Kakai (food) stalls and Island music.
Deborah earned a Bachelor of Science degree in the U.S followed with a Post-Graduate Diploma from the University of New England, Australia in Continuing Education where she researched high-risk behavior and Community Development. Deborah also holds a Master of Science Vocational from LSU, Baton Rouge, LA, USA, is a Qualified Mental Health Professional and has a passion for helping people help others addicted to admit their problem and willingly commit to recovery – and peace. Deborah writes a workshop guides for other facilitators to use for similar workshops in Vanuatu. She can be booked for edutainment, workshops and structured interventions to help families help their family member with Addiction.
Order A4, 20 page books now for only 300Vatu ($12.00AUD, $6.00USD) incl. S&H anywhere. Ask now about Special Education Programmes and a list of other prevention books that make parenting and teaching easier.
Nabi asks: "Have you read a story to a child in your life today? “Geck! Geck! Geck!"